Library forced to return chairs to San Quentin

Recently, four ambulances were sent to Albany High School to help students and one teacher who were brutally stabbed in the upper thigh and buttocks.  Three of our students sat down on seemingly harmless chairs in the library in order to study and they were shocked with a nasty surprise.

            Upon further investigation the chairs that these students sat in had one thing in common, they had all been manufactured at San Quentin prison.

            There has been a recent re-call of all products produced by the San Quentin prison facilities before the year of 1997.  However, for unknown reasons, our library refused to comply.

            However, now there is no way around it.  Students discovered that not only do some of the chairs have shivs hidden within the woodwork, but these compartments don’t necessarily protect you from a pointy surprise.

            At this point only three students, junior Erik Staley, and seniors Isaac Katten and Cole Abrahamson, and Librarian Sarah Oremland have been stabbed in the buttocks and upper thighs by hidden shivs. 

            When asked how he was doing Abrahamson stated, “I got mad props for the inmates at The Q for pulling this off.  Doesn’t mean this doesn’t hurt, I’m just saying.”  Cole is forced to stand during class until his butt heals enough for him to sit down for an extended period of time.

            Oremland is currently on medical leave until further notice.  She has found that the best puncture wound hospital is located in Hawaii and is spending the duration of her recovery in the Honolulu Beachfront Hospital. 

            When asked what the library would do about the shortage of chairs Oremland responded curtly, Oremland said that students would just be forced to stand while working for a while.  Unfortunately, Staley, Katten, and Abrahamson will have no other choice; we wish them a quick recovery.

2 Responses

1. 8:05 PM on April 1st, 2009WalliLlama:

   free tibet

2. 9:22 PM on April 1st, 2009ah:

   free yo mama

Leave a Comment

All comments are moderated. If your comment contains profanity or libelous content, please don't waste our time.